The 10 minute rule

I started working for a company in March providing tele-therapy. One of my favorite interventions for folks who lack motivation is implementing the 10 minute rule. The 10 minute rule is just that. You commit to 10 minutes of whatever it is you lack motivation to complete. Sometimes I commit to 10 minutes and end up completing the task and sometimes that 10 minutes is just 10 minutes of a good effort. I used the 10 minute rule this week to get a jump start on exercising. I was pretty successful and ended up working out every day. I ran. I walked miles. I lifted weights. I ellipticalled. I took 58,567 steps from Monday to Friday. I also bought the Ninja Foodi Air Fryer this week and ate some healthy, tasty meals. My weight at the end of this week was 172.4. I was expecting a 30 pound loss but I'll take this. 

So...now I'm fat

 Oh hey...2 years later and I'm back. 

The update from my last post is that I did a great job with that 1 mile a day and then it tapered off after like 6 months.  That was 2019...

I was working an overnight shift. 

I was eating all night.

My doctor called me obese.

Since that time, I enrolled in Grad School and acquired a second Masters degree. I switched jobs and I am now a social worker on an oncology floor. I work a regular 9-5 (or 8-4). I also started providing therapy through an online company. And I gained weight. I weigh about 25 pounds more than I did on the day that I gave birth to my youngest child 20 years ago. I am 5' 4" and I weigh 174.2 pounds today and I don't like that at all. My blood pressure is stable now. I take two different medications. My cholesterol is stable without meds and has been for about 20 years. This weight is kicking my ass. I have a treadmill in my house that I use sporadically. I have decided today that I have no time or space to half do this so I decided to document this journey on my fizzled out blog page to hold myself accountable. This is me today after my workout and then me fully clothed. I completed 3 miles today. Jogged the first mile on 4.6. Jogged continuously for 10 minutes and took about a minute to attend to The Dog  and then was back to it. The 2nd mile was intervals of walking for .15 on 3 and running for .10 on 7. The 3rd mile was a slow walk on 2.6. (I have to set it to a speed of 1 to keep it from flashing so I can take the picture). I have not eaten yet because I do intermittent fasting and break my fast at noon but I will be eating barbeque at my Dad's today. I have already had 32 ounces of water while on  the treadmill!! My goal weight is 145. I'll be back realllll soon!!!

1 mile a day for January 2019

I have been gone for so long. Gone from my blog. Gone from regular exercise. Pretty much gone from taking care of me. I am not usually a New Year's resolution type gal but I decided that January 1st was a good place and day to jump start getting my life in order. I actually started in November by linking with a psychiatrist at Cleveland Clinic that I love. She prescribed a super high dose of Vitamin D that is helping with my energy levels. She also gave some assignments for me to figure out who am I outside of parenting. My favorite girl leaves for college in the fall and I vacillate between sadness that I am losing one of my best friends and excitement for my new found freedom.  I have decided to revisit my blog and I wanted to start running again. I decided to combine the two into a post about starting to run again.

 I ran a few times last year. I  ran a few times the year before. I did nothing consistently. I decided to set a goal to run at least 1 mile a day for the month of January. I wanted to make sure that the goal was achievable and that it would be challenging. I got a promotion in 2017 and with that promotion came overnight hours. I have been struggling with sleep issues and was spending a lot of time in bed or lounging on the couch. Setting a goal to run daily was also a good way to get me up and out of the house every single day.

The beginning was a little rocky and a struggle. There were a few days initially where I was a little under the weather or just did not feel like getting out of my bed. I made a choice to go anyway. I bargained with myself and said "it's only one mile...". The idea of one mile made it so much easier to make it to the gym. The first few runs were hard but eventually that mile got easy and I started running for time. The short runs were 15 minutes. My longest run was 40 minutes. I also incorporated weights into my workouts. How could I go to the gym without a full body workout? There were some days that I only ran a mile because I had to get that mile in before work and that was all I had time for. On my days off, I was able to devote at least an hour for working out. I ran at least 1 mile every single day for the month of January on a treadmill. I ran a total of 56.22 miles. I have had to edit a lot of runs. I seem to take short steps when I'm running and they register as much faster runs than I am capable of.  NikePlus thinks super highly of my running but unfortunately they're just not accurate.

I noticed some changes after the 31 days of running. I lost about 5 pounds. I lost most of the extra weight I've been carrying in my stomach. I am back in my old bra size. THANK GOD!!! I also feel so much stronger. I am able to run for about 40 minutes straight now.

    

I am going to run 1 mile a day for February as well. My goal for my longest run is 60 minutes. So I think I'm baaaaaack now!!!

 

My kids are perfect...but only on social media.

     I don’t make it a habit to tell all of my personal business on social media. I am pretty much an open book but you can’t read my Facebook feed and tell my mood from day to day.  I make it a point to keep family and friends updated about The Joes accomplishments via social media. Much of my family lives at least 30 minutes away from us and few are able to attend their events. Facebook is a convenient way to let the world know what they’re doing and why I am especially proud of them at any given moment. I do not have a nefarious plan to trick the world into believing my children are perfect. It would just seem so if you take a gander at any of my social media pages.

     The reality is that I have children who are naughty and nice teenagers. I actually have thought of divorce on more than one occasion. For years, I was embarrassed by the fact that I had to deal with a son who was disrespectful or a daughter with mood swings. Listening to parenting stories of more seasoned parents, I would know that they would never put up with that type of behavior. For a long time, it was my secret shame. I raced to the school countless times to address behavioral issues at school. I begged kids at night to pack their bags and set their clothes out so that they would be on time only to arrive to school late the next morning. The lone car in the drop off line. I threatened to take phones. I stopped cooking dinner because no one would wash dishes. I did all of this in secret. One day, I confided in my then beautician/now friend that my son was out of control. I went on to detail the saga of the moment and instead of being met with judgment, I was met with understanding. She, too, had an imperfect child. And she was willing to share. 

     I began to open to up to other mothers about what I was going through. Not only that, I started to talk to mothers with young sons about mistakes I had made with The Biggest Joe when he was struggling. These things in the past may have embarrassed me but now I see that they may help another mother to be a better parent than I was. I talk to my sister almost daily about my household. Sometimes The Joes drive me crazy and it benefits them that I speak with a sane person before addressing concerns with them. She is usually very calm and logical and gives great insight. The Biggest Joe may still be living because of his aunt’s interventions.  I talk to my Aunt Debbie, who is the most patient person I know, because she always shares words of wisdom and encouragement and love.  I have so many friends who are moms. Each one has something to offer.  Every mom I come in contact with teaches me something. I am ever grateful for all of the moms in my life. I am developing countless skills that help to foster greater relationships with The Joes because it’s never too late to be a better parent.

 

Public Opinion Matters

Parents: Quit telling your kids that it doesn't matter if people like them. It does. It really does. As parents, we want to raise children who are independent. We want them to be free thinkers. We want them to be comfortable being themselves. We want them to know that they will be loved and accepted in spite of their shortcomings. We tell them not to listen to those dissenting opinions and we promote their autonomy. These are all important lessons to learn but the lesson to ignore the voices that dislike you has to be tempered with wisdom and the ability to be introspective and to examine ones own self and behaviors. Most children are unable to do this without help. They need to be taught.  They need to learn that what people think about them is very important. They need to learn why.

     I have been away from my blog for quite some time. My life has been crazy. I have a 17 year old nephew living with me who lives in "I don't care what people think" land. I had not been responsible for his upbringing until 2 years ago when his mother (my sister) died. His mother truly existed in a state of not caring what others thought. This was the cause of many relationship issues in her life. She was estranged from most of her family for most of her adult life. She was brash and rude and dismissive. She said whatever came to mind regardless of how it would be received. She never considered the tone of her message. She simply didn't care what people thought. Her son inherited this from her and it has caused many problems in my home and at school. 

     I currently live in a home with a child who does what he wants and says what he wants. He does not do chores. He won't even clean up after himself. He refuses to show respect and has told me on multiple occasions that he doesn't respect me. He doesn't do well in school. He failed a class last year that required him to attend summer school. His punishment was to get up in the mornings every day during the summer and read so that he will be better prepared for his senior year and to take the ACT or SAT. I explained all of that to him. He called me "f*cking stupid". He did not get up 1 morning this summer to read. Literally. And ironically. This is his norm. When I found out that he had all Fs so far this year (his senior year), I told him that he would no longer be allowed to come home after school and lay around. I told him that I would be locking the door until 5:30 PM and that he needed to go to the library to complete the work he had been neglecting. He called me a "dumb b*tch".  He tells me often that he doesn't care what I think. He doesn't care what the principals think. He doesn't care what the teachers think. Not only does he say these things, but he shows it in his actions. His parents did him a disservice. He believes that the opinions of others mean nothing to him. 

      I have tried to explain to him, in the last two years, that the opinions of other people are very important. In every aspect of our lives, we need people to have favorable opinions of us. When you are a student who has worked very hard in a class and have a 59 percent at the end of the semester. You hope that you have a teacher who thinks that you worked really hard. That you are respectful. That you are a person deserving of favor. You hope that the teacher thinks of you and gives you a D because they know that you deserve it because of all the effort you have made. When you are a jackass in class, and sleep, and don't complete work on time, your teacher thinks very little of giving you that extra point. They feel in no way obligated to give you the benefit of the doubt. And in this case, you don't deserve it. In a work environment, you will not get a raise or a promotion if your supervisor thinks poorly of you or your work. You will not be able to maintain interpersonal relationships if no one likes you because you are rude and nasty. None of this has registered with him. It is sad that he will enter adulthood with this mindset.

     Everyone in the world is not going to like your child. I am not even suggesting that we teach our children to be likeable because that can be problematic.  I am suggesting that we teach them to be good people. To care about people and to care about their feelings. To show basic human respect. To be humble and grateful. To work hard at whatever you do. To accept love. To accept correction. And to realize that everyday is a new day to start over when none of these things have fallen into place on the previous day.

Treadmill Workout #1

Treadmill reading after 30 minutes

     I'm beginning to get my life schedule back on track. This includes going to the gym and bringing the kids.

 

      The biggest Joe has recently finished Marching Band and the littlest Joe finished an awesome soccer season and cross country. She did the sports simultaneously and I am pretty proud of the work she put into both. The are both conditioning for indoor track now and she is also starting basketball. They are both working out like crazy to stay fit/get fit for their respective sports. My niece and nephew do not play sports but voiced an interest in going to the gym. Everyone in the house got a gym membership. My niece has set some fitness goals for herself so I came up with some treadmill workouts that challenge her and myself as well.

I like this workout because it makes running at a faster pace a lot less intimidating for a slower runner like myself.  This is a 30 minute treadmill workout that combines walking and running. The speed for the walking should be faster than a stroll but slow enough that you are cooling down from your run. The run should be a challenging pace.

Treadmill Workout #1

5 minutes walking on 4.5

5 minutes running on 7.0

4 minutes walking on 4.5

4 minutes running on 7.0

3 minutes walking on 4.5

3 minutes running on 7.0

2 minutes walking on 4.5

2 minutes running on 7.0

1 minutes walking on 4.5

1 minutes running on 7.0

Changes...

My sister died 2 months ago. We had a strained relationship. I didn’t like her choices. I didn’t like her actions. I didn’t like the way she treated my oldest nephew. But through all of the problems we had, I still loved her. And on my birthday, every year, she sent me a message saying that she loved me. Some years, I wondered why she would not apologize for all that she had done. I wanted an apology, not a happy birthday. Sometimes I just responded with a quick “Love you too, Missy”. I knew that anything more between us would be unhealthy. Through it all, I loved her, even when I could not like her.

 

When she died, she left 5 children. I have a terrific relationship with her oldest adult child, whom she did not raise. I did not know her other 4 children. Her oldest two children are now living with me and The Joes. I am getting to know them and I am finding that they are very interesting humans. I have been angry at my sister for so many years and now through her passing, she has blessed me with two more children to love.

 

My household is grieving. The children are grieving the loss of their mother. They will be consumed with what ifs for a long time. They will miss their personal relationships with her and they will wonder what could have been. My children did not know my sister well. They have, however, lost their lives as they knew them. They have to make changes to allow for their cousins. They are sharing rooms and there is less money for frivolities. They are adjusting to the changes. They are all getting along. They talk to each other and laugh with and at each other. And they fight with each other as most siblings do. I am grieving the loss of my sister and any potential for change or growth or reconciliation.

 

During this time, I have found that we are resilient. We are a team. And we have the greatest support system ever. I am super nervous about having 4 teenagers in my home. They outnumber me!!! But I feel blessed that God sent them to me and allowed them to be a part of my life. All four of them!!